I think people might have some wrong ideas about therapy.
What do you think?
I think people might have some wrong ideas about therapy.
What do you think?
Check out my latest post, and below is an extra resource for my Five Minutes til Midnight followers.
And just for you, my friends:
Happy Wednesday! xoxo
Check it out.
What? No, reposting doesn’t mean I’m lazy, I’m just busy.*
*My story, and I’m sticking to it.
One extremely unexpected phenomenon that began to occur a few months into my fitness journey was that I began to have a very uneasy relationship with rest days. I just published a short article about why they’re important, but it took a while for me to really wrap my head around it, and honestly, I still feel guilty. Hell, I feel guilty if, like today, I work out early in the day and then don’t work out AGAIN before bed. I manage to work through that guilt (rest through that guilt?) and don’t typically do two-a-days, but dammit, I kind of feel like I should. I can see how people get addicted to exercise. It’s the endorphins, y’all. And, now that I think about it, a feeling like I have a place to go on those long days when I wouldn’t otherwise encounter other human beings.
Now that I’ve started to venture away from the solo nature of the Arc Trainers and dumbbells at the gym, I’m starting to make eye contact with people. I know, right?! And those people are even talking to me. I KNOW, RIGHT??!! The other day it was a woman asking about where I got my lifting gloves (Dick’s) and today it was someone cheerfully singing along to the piped in music who demanded I guess how old he is (37? Nope! 41!). I spend a lot of sometimes intense time with other people at work and at home, and I’ve always thought of the gym as my little one-person cave where tunnel vision works just fine, thankyouverymuch. But after eight years of assiduously ignoring everyone there, I’m beginning to feel a little camaraderie with the regulars. We, you know, nod at each other, and whatnot. My Facebook fast is still firmly in place and may end up being permanent at this point, and that’s where I used to get so much of my connection needs met, especially around working out. It’s been a lonely couple of months, despite some thumbs up on My Fitness Pal check-ins, and “yays” on my Map My (Whatever) workouts. People were not meant to toil in eternal solitude, you guys! At least that’s what I’m beginning to believe.
And everything I’m doing fitness-wise, everything, is through the lens of my new health coaching business (the latest “if” being obtaining a zoning variance – this venture is a roller coaster I haven’t shared much about, but holy cow). I do think it’s important for people to have social connections and I want to foster that in my clients. My membership in the SDLHC on Facebook really is the answer to “How did you lose the weight?” Interestingly, it’s not necessarily the answer to “How are you keeping it off?” But having support in the maintenance phase is important too. Even if that support is sometimes just a knowing nod across the squat rack.
You know, I’m not even going to try to tie this up by bringing it back around to rest days. It’s sort of related. Go with it.
For now, I’m going to be doing most of my posting over on my health and fitness/professional(ish) blog, so feel free to follow me over there. In the meantime, here’s the latest post. And thanks so much for your support! xoxo
New blog post alert!
I changed “suggestions” to “tactics” because waiting is more like a battle than anything else. For me, anyway.
Introducing my new professional(ish) blog, tailored for client consumption. I shamelessly stole the articles from myself (with a few revisions), but I’ll be adding more original content that focuses on health and wellness, and the exciting new direction of my practice. I’m grateful in advance for any subscribers!
Is normality. I think.
I picked up a book today from the library today…a book about how to write a memoir. When I got home, I opened it, and one of the first exercises was about writing a short summary of what your life has really been about, you know, summarized. So (naturally) I closed the book and put it back on my shelf.
You see, whenever I tell my story, it’s full of pathos. And it wears even me out. The bipolar, abusive mother. The absent father. The controlling, abusive boyfriends. The controlling, abusive husbands. The emotionally devastating but ultimately cordial divorces. Then the controlling, abusive boyfriends again. Who would even want to read this predictable story full of repetition? And I’m too exhausted by my own life at the moment to try to give it some cute little twist. Plus, I’m 46 and am about ready to give up on “cute” altogether.
Not for nothing, I did a monumental bike ride today. Beginning the ride, I only knew it needed to be a fairly “long one,” to fit into my overall fitness plan, which lately seems to be mostly “do as much as you can all the time forever, without ceasing.” I’m tired. Anyway, as I traversed down the familiar path, I began to wonder how far I could go. My boyfriend (one of the non-abusive ones, yay! but still basically unavailable, boo!) had conquered a 20-mile ride this past summer and that seemed like such a feat to me. I fight this constant internal struggle that I’ve written about before, about needing to be Awesome. It’s been a while since I’ve done something I could classify that way – one month almost exactly, as a matter of fact – the Tough Mudder was my most recent Awesome Experience. So today, I decided I could go for 20 miles. And I did. I knew I really only needed to go for ten, because then I’d be committed to getting myself home, no matter what. And you know what? I did it.
So, pulling into the parking lot after this epic ride…naturally, that’s when I began to question all my important decisions ever. There’s something about Being Awesome for a moment (or for two hours) that makes me question every moment I haven’t been Awesome. And there have been many. And there are always, always more to come
I’m kind of tired of all that, actually. I feel like at my age, maybe I could stop with the growth opportunities already, at least just for a little while. Because what I really want? Normality. A soft place to land. A predictable outcome. Smiles at normal times. Celebrations that aren’t made weird by false distances created by the demands and edicts of people who shouldn’t be involved (you know who you are).
My life feels sometimes as if it is not my own. Shouldn’t it be, by now? And I’m more than aware that I only have myself to blame for the current state of affairs. The flip side of that old helpless album of course is that I’m the only one really in charge of me. Get it together, Rebecca. If you can ride 20 miles, surely you can take a stab at figuring the rest of it out. Can I? After 46 years, is there hope? How can I be Eating, Praying, or Loving differently? Better? Is there a Pinterest board for this? Or could I maybe just skip ahead to the Bali loving part of that manual/memoir where the author is swept away by some spiritual dude on a beach to have tantric sex that suddenly clears it ALL up (I may be remembering this wrong).
I’d like to say I’m figuring it out, but I’m losing faith. But hey, in the meantime, want me to pour you a glass of wine? Another? How important is clarity, anyway?
P.S. Tomorrow I’m probably going to get purple highlights in my hair. That will either solve a) Nothing or b) Everything. I’ll let you know.