Welcome to my blog’s existential crisis

Here is a picture of how the woman who lives inside my head looks this morning.


I’ve been challenged by my blog buddy Zane to crank something out this weekend and I actually have new followers, which makes me want to write, but my blog is having identity issues.

It is asking many questions of me this morning. It wants to know: Is it meant to be political? Personal? Irreverent? Angry? Should I post recipes or manifestos, or both? Should I try to lose weight (again), and post my progress? Should I write a feminist dating piece about what it’s like to be 45 and single? Or maybe I need to write about the frustrations and successes of my activism. Or fiction. Or perhaps I should just start banging my fists on the keyboard and post whatever comes out.

It’s like I’m trying to figure out who I am by deciding on the tone of my blog…And deciding all of that today. Which is making me feel…well, reference the above picture.

What all of this bloggy angst is really indicating is the state of my mind of late. Part of what’s going on is that my mind, I think, is reflecting the state of reality in our world right now. We’re fractured. A fractured society, a fractured people. Our very existence has become schizophrenic.

My mind is not holding up well under these circumstances.

If it could do a data dump, it would look like this:

New guy I’m crazy about/my house is falling apart/TPP/money/NDAA/blog/wine/Facebook/recipes/running/the tedium of work/what’s wrong with me?/what am I forgetting?/???/??/?

Not that that’s so different from anyone’s mind, but how does anyone get anything done? The answer is, most of us half-ass it. As I type, my eyes keep jumping to the top of my screen, *even though this is the only window open* to check on…whatever else might be going on other than this. I joke when I say I think I’ve developed adult-onset ADD, except I’m not really joking.

So, back to my important (to me) question about the direction I want to take this blog. And the answer that is coming to me is, “Just tell the truth.”

The truth for today is that I’m confused. About the state of my life, the direction to take, if I can handle it all, and how to be happy. Oh, and how to save the world.

That’s my truth. It’s the best I can do.

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4 Responses to Welcome to my blog’s existential crisis

  1. ladyquirky says:

    The tone and voice of my blog has been determined to be “fluid.” Yep- that is the BS I came up with. I have decided to write my absolute truth at that moment- and to be fully within my rights- if I change my mind tomorrow. So, for my voice- it is gonna be authenticity. However fleeting those moments may be. Yep. I totally get the identity crisis. I have been verbally puking my guts out all weekend. I love this post.

  2. Thanks, Nyki. I like what you’re saying – I need to do what seems to work best for me and my readers…I simply need to be genuine, whatever that looks or sounds like in the moment.

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