Wish you were here, so I wasn’t here by myself.
Yes, indeedy, it is that creepy.
I feel kinda bad, like I’m throwing Chip the nice, hardworking homeowner under the bus, but if you’re going to have a 24-room Victorian haunted house-slash-carpet warehouse, then people are going to blog about ya. Just sayin’. One of the weirdest things about the house (and that is really saying a lot) is that it is surrounded by (nestled in, really) a neighborhood of nefarious characters. Read: Hoochie mamas, crack dealers, and all manner of folks who have just given a big middle finger to lawful ways to make money and raise children. There was some amount of, shall we say, inaccuracy, in the online description. And clearly the several dozen reviewers who waxed lyrical about the place were the type of people who would sit around the dining room table (see above for visual) singing Day O, otherwise known as “That Banana Song.”
Here are some other weird things about the house.
Mother Mary’s gonna watch me take a shower, y’all. She does seem to averting her eyes, which is a good thing, given the 20 pounds I’ve gained over the past year.
OK, this isn’t technically “weird,” it’s kinda cool. Except it, very literally, is as deep as my waist when I stand next to it. Clambering into that thing is going to be athletic tomorrow morning. Also, you could drown a lot of people simultaneously in that thing. Hm. That’s not a normal thing to think. I do believe this place may be rubbing off on me.
Again, more “cool” than “weird.” However, who do the toothbrushes belong to, for the love of God? And Cetaphil? Seems a little…clinical. For dry, sensitive skin. Because all that drownin’ is gonna chap those hands and forearms. And biceps. That tub is DEEP.
Where I’ll be sleeping with one eye open tonight. The weird thing about this room is that somehow Chip has exercised restraint. Well, that and the walls are puffy. Like wall-sized marshmallow panels.
Stay tuned, and if you don’t hear from me on a regular basis over the next couple of days, I implore you, come find me. I’ll be drinking pink champagne on ice…